Someone commented on my blog that a famous psychologist believes that there’s only ONE person in our dreams but many CHARACTERS. And that ONE person is me. Keep that in mind when I tell you my dream.

I was somewhere that was like a public park because there was a park but there were also buildings and streets, very urban. This truck drove up that looked like one of those military trucks. These guys started getting out of the back of the truck. In my mind, I thought they were clowns, but they didn’t look like clowns. I hate clowns! I’m even scared of clowns. So, I started avoiding these men. However, one guy kept lurking around me and making eye contact with me. It bugged me. I tried to shrug him off, but it didn’t work.

So, I found the “leader” of the clown troupe and said, “If this guy bugs me one more time, I’m gonna kick his mother f*ckin’ ass.” Then, I walked off. In no time flat, there he was again hanging around me. So, I went back to the leader of the troupe and shouted, “Do you know what a pistol is? I’m gonna get out my pistol and shoot this mother f*ckin’ asshole!” I was in a rage.

Then, I said, “I want to see his arrest history. I know you do background checks on these guys. I wanna see his history. I wanna know what shit he’s done. ” The leader unlocked this army green metal cabinet and handed me this sheet of paper that was a personal history on this guy. I found out he had problems with drugs and alcohol, and he had been in a lot of financial trouble. Other than that, he hadn’t done anything illegal.

I turned around and looked at him again. This time he looked like a “clown” and by that I mean a dude just “playing” at life. He can’t look anybody in the eye. He laughs off everything. He keeps himself so preoccuppied with being a “player” that nothing is real. It’s all just a game. On the inside, I could see he was dying and miserable.

So, I walked over to him and put both my hands on his shoulders and tried to make him look me in the eye and listen to me. I was saying, “There is a seed in you. A seed that God planted. That seed is love. You don’t have to look outside yourself for happiness ever. God put that seed in you when you were born.” He squirmed and bristled and averted his eyes until he broke down into tears. At that moment, I knew he allowed himself to believe, at least for just a moment, that maybe God did put a seed in him. That God’s love was in him all along. He just didn’t know it.

I woke up feeling like I had been through a war.

Then, I started remembering about the theory that there’s only one person in our dreams. What a scary thought! That clown, that asshole, that miserable soul was me? I wanted to kick my ass. I wanted to shoot myself. I wanted to look at a list of all my wrongdoings. In the end, I shook myself by the shoulders and pleaded with myself to believe that God planted a seed of His love in me, and it had been there all along.

What a dream!

Categories: On to 90 days by The Web Prophet
Tags: anger, clowns, dreams, happiness, spiritual awakening